they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
