I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
