Porn is love you can see.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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