i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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