i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
