you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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