Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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