just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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