Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
