maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
