So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
