I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
