Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
