So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
