I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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