I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
