hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
