The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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