Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
