I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
