If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
