we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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