Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
