I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
