Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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