You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
