I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
