I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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