how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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