by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
