Can Purell be used as lube?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
