can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
