dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
