4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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