so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
