I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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