I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Even my vagina gasped.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
