that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My pussy is not your playground.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
