weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
