There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
