i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i now understand why vodka
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
