I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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