my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
