I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found your dick twin last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
