I hate all girls vehemently.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
