i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
