Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
