im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
