dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
