She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
