the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
