yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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